Two lines

Nineteen I am, that short gap after teenage spots and before the wrinkles start to grow across your face. Well apart from these two crinkles on my forehead. They came from this period in my life, it was a year ago now, or maybe it’s still happening. Let’s not go into it.

These two crinkles on my forehead are next to a very faint scar. I got it from you know what. Self harm. And then I have a freckle that’s from the sun I think or maybe I’ve had it from conception. “These things happen you know.” People say to me, and I wish with every bone in my body that it didn’t or even doesn’t but that will never change everything because my head is a rotten egg.

Pigsty that’s what its like, look at this crap all across this place. Excitement-less. Well that’s what those two lines have left in my head. It was like bang bang bang in my head. The police rang and said they were going to pick me up at three thirty. That’s what I heard from the voice in my head. That I am a bad person needed dead. But what’s in my head is very separate from reality. Bang bang.

Get out was what I wanted to say to that voice. And how do I know when its got out, when the creases in and on my head have recovered, that’s what I want to know. Because. Because now things are pretty good. Well not pretty they are straight good. Simple sorts of things really. Interrailing across Europe with my boyfriend in like, three weeks. And then moving into my new house. Apparently it looks like the houses out of Coronation street but I’ve never seen that programme. But then when I am alone I wonder if all this stuff is like…superficial. If when it is all scraped away there is still that voice in my head and its just the chemicals in the pills that I pop each day masking what’s still in my head. So how do I know when the crinkle has unwrinkled itself?

Last line…

This is a text version of my actual speech patterns. That’s why there are such weird combinations of words. Hope you still get my drift.


Filed under Health

10 responses to “Two lines

  1. I don’t know what to reply to this post, but I want to at least say something. I’m glad some things are good and I bet you’re really excited about inter-railing, its bound to be amazing.

    I think I know what you mean when you wonder if these things are all superficial, as if it’s not real cos what’s inside your head is still there, and I’m sorry things are like that for you at the moment. I hope things get better, I hope you’re ok x

    • Hannah- Hey, I am super excited about the interrail holiday. The plan is to go Oslo-Copenhagen-Dresden-Vienna-Venice-Rome.

      • Hey, im twenty years old and i take the same sort of pills you speak of for when i find that disturbing and discomforting thoughts that find their way into our strange but intelligent minds and completely take over our sanity. all i wish to do in my life is fly over the moon sometimes. I know this is completely outrageous and unhealthy but the only thing stopping me is a jet pack and a good healthy mind set. Sometimes when i really train myself i can completely stun the opposition with a superman punch and ground and pound. maybe im frank mir and but maybe im not, who would know? or who wouldnt…. maybe someone knows…. but how exactly would you find them without knowing

        Whilst reading about my unusual abilities and strange tendancies, could please take into consideration that my family once lived in the keyhole that i used to believe opened a door to the fastest harley in the universe.

        clearly i was corrected.

        maybe u could understand the true meaning to reality. wat does it mean to live? what does it mean to breathe the sweet sweet beautiful oxygen that we take for granted every day? i wish u would ask urself this before wondering whether toads will turn into the unicorn sittting on the third picket of your back fence. yous sincerely,

        Draco Malfoy.

  2. Katy


    Not sure what to really say in my first ever blog reply. But I stumbled across this blog while browsing around. You sound similar to myself and its nice to know I’m not totally alone. I get your drift and wonder these things myself. Hope everything goes ok. :).

  3. Hope interrailing goes well, I wish I had. I know what you mean about whether it’s superficial… I wonder that too. X

  4. Kate- Thanks, I am so excited about interRail, I am off in about two and a half weeks now. Eeeee.

  5. Tim

    Just found your blog earlier today and Ive just finished reading all your posts. Great blog and goodluck for the future

  6. Pingback: When the memories fade, so do the experiences? « Blue skies and green grass

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