This thing, this thing is following me, it’s in my head. Head that’s where it is, in this messed up place that controls my thoughts and my most inner being. That screwed up faulty place. That’s where this badness is, and it’s not been caused by some awful childhood. No bullying at school, no messy parental split, no emotional or physical abuse, this never ending spiral is all of my doing. Its my head that is cause of the fault, and its my head that is the fault. The cause and effect in one place. This thing that makes me go up and down, in the same very way that the tide goes in and out. This thing, it has the ability to cause destruction, to cause the end of everything. This thing is everything and nothing. Nothing, nothing because you can’t see it there can be no tangible evidence of its existence and everything, everything because it’s the undoing of me. The end of me, that’s what this has the capability of doing.
This thing, it is so familiar, it’s the reminder of my childhood for all the wrong reasons. It’s the reminder of the cyclical pattern that my life seems to go. This relentless pattern that I know will never end, never ending imbalance. This thing brings fear and hopelessness; it brings joy and music to my head. This thing brings the worlds woes to my shoulders and every spy to my path, it brings bible like books and attempts to end the very thing that is me. This thing, this thing will never go away, will never leave me be. It has shaped my past and will my future. Its all happening again, again in this circle that has no end, this spiral down is starting for I can feel it at the very core of me. The cause of it is in my head. My head that’s what makes me, me.
I wish the postive posts would stay, stay as the main content of my blog forever. This thing, there is this thing inside me. Inherently unstable.