I have left it again. Returning to this place, with caution in my head, there seems no way to start again. There is so much left unsaid. Unsaid because, because I can see no ways to put it into words. To describe what has been happening in this head of mine, or to explain this raw like feeling that has seeped over me. I can think of disconnected words that feel like it, but to try to understand it, and then explain it here.
It all seems like too much. But this silence here, it’s unearthly. That repetitive circle that all my thoughts seem to go in, it’s been left uncharted here. This place, this place was left behind because I couldn’t work out how to make it catch up. Let’s just leave it that so much has happened that you can’t catch up on. Just understand that things have been changed irreversibly. Plans have been unplanned and then planned again, and there is this feeling all over me. Dirty.
I went in the car today, and raced along the lanes of Monmouthshire. And, and this feeling departed for a moment. And decided to come back here, to try and explain. But, but this feeling is indescribable. It must be left unsaid, but this air that’s hanging over me. Its here again this mist. This dirty mist is hanging over here. That’s what you must understand.
I am still here.