Self harm almost goes hand in hand with the word “emo”. As urban dictionary puts it so kindly “many emo’s feel so depressed that they resort to cutting to themselves”. Or the daily mail says (please note that I do not read this newspaper, I think it is all sensationalist crap) “Emo’s exchange competitive messages on their teenage websites about the scars on their wrists and how best to display them.” When I think self harmer I think teenager, probably girl, with long dark hair and a thick fringe, maybe a few piercings. I would hate for anyone I know to think Hannah self harms therefore she is emo. That’s why I don’t tell anyone about it or show my scars, except for the one on my forehead and hands as that is too difficult to cover.
The act of doing it is so very private that I find it quite difficult to understand why said “emo kids” talk about it and display fresh marks so openly. I am finding it very odd writing this and it took many months working with my social worker to talk to her about it, even though she asked every time I saw her because it was on my referral letter. If I could educate the public about anything it would be that you don’t have to be emo to self harm, and for those who already knew that I would tell them that its not as rare as people think (Ok I would educate people why they should not vote BNP before any of those things). I never thought I was the only one who self harmed as I read quite a few articles saying statistics showed it to be around 1 in 10 had tried self harm, but I did feel alone as I could not talk to anyone about it and every time I went to hospital for stitches I received such poor care from medical staff. What did come as a surprise was when I was in hospital at the amount of adults who self harmed, there was a rule on the ward that all fresh cuts had to be covered and I cannot remember one person who did not have a bandage around one limb or another.
I have now rather run out of steam, (You should probably read this over at mentalnurse head quarters for a better explanation) I am sure I shall come back to this post or do a part two because it is something I am quite interested in. So I shall leave you with one of the gems I found while Google searching “self harm and emo” and yes I know its makin fun of the good old emo. “Stop my breathing and slit my throat, I must be emo, I don’t jump around when I go to shows, I must be emo. I’m dark, and sensitive with low self-esteem, the way I dress makes every day feel like Halloween, I have no real problems but I like to make believe, I stole my sister’s mascara now, I’m grounded for a week. Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies, I can’t get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing” I would continue but it is making me cringe.
Last Line…
Today is my last session with my social worker (well I dont own her so she is not really mine), yay the end of two years worth of therapy with her. Approximately 104 hours of talking about myself and its over. Except it’s not properly over because someone else will take on her caseload while she is on holiday and then I will be referred to an adults team. But hey, its over with her so now I can make a grand exit. I will tell you how it goes tomorrow.
22 Comments
July 23, 2008 at 11:40 am
Good luck with the exit.
Reckon you know that my opinion of emo’s is exactly the same. They glamourize self harm. If cutting yourself is a fashion then hell by all means I should be in vogue right now, not using scar reduction sheets and bio-oil.
It makes me angry to see them, moping around PRETENDING to be all sad and suicidal. If they knew what that felt like even for a second, they’d rethink buying into a “culture” which thinks it’s cool.
It’s not cool
Take care x
July 23, 2008 at 12:49 pm
My arms are covered in scars. There is no doubt to the fact that they are self inflicted, they are too many and too severe to be any other than self harm.
I think the saddest I have ever been is when someone told me they thought my scars are cool.
You are entirely right to say that you do not need to be emo to self harm. But I feel that amongst self-harmers there is a back lash against emos. This nomenclature feels cludgy. I think people need to acknowledge that cutting yourself to fit in with a particular fashion scene, music scene? (please don’t start me on a discussion of musical genres) is a problem as real as anyone cutting themself for any reason.
Also the simple fact is the best way to show scars is not to hide them, the fact a discussion exists baffles me.
July 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I remember when I was about 13 and first started sliding down the slippery slope of self harm, it was such an unheard of thing. This was only about 4 years ago, but literally no one talked about it. I remember one girl getting found out doing it, and her friends told a teacher who called her parents who pretty much tried to get her sectioned because OH MY GOD it was such a massively shocking huge deal. I went to huge lengths to hide it from everyone (although admittedly in hindsight some of my excuses were cringeworthily implausible).
Then at some point, I blinked… and suddenly everyone was at it! On one hand it was “cool” in some circles, and on the other, it just… isn’t a big deal anymore. Teachers get training on what to do (and there doesn’t seem to be a compulsory phonecall home and panic stations meeting if you get found out). If you’re a CAMHS patient (*cough* sorry, service-user), it seems to be pretty much /expected/ that you have done or do self harm. Our local youth counselling service changed their confidentiality policy from “we will have to tell someone if we think you are at risk of hurting yourself” to “at risk of /seriously/ hurting yourself” because practically everyone they saw was hurting themselves in some way.
I don’t know when or how this happened, but it continues to amaze me. Something that was so taboo not so long ago is not really even considered odd anymore. Also, reading my Care Plan I have realised that at some point it changed from “self harm” to “deliberate self harm” (which seems now to encompass overdose, suicide attempts and parasuicide as well as self injury). Eh. When did that happen?
July 23, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I found out the other day from my son & his friend that there’s a ‘Cherry Emo’ thing going on aswell.Something to do with wannabe emo’s that aren’t sad ??? Now that really does confuse me !
July 23, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Two years is a long relationship. Let me know how you go. I had a counsellor once who I got on well with and inspired me in many ways. Though he kept the change positive a little part of me kept asking ‘how will I get on without this guy’ (with slight panic…lol) but I did … Let me know how you go… each little step of growth adds up…thinking of you…. Abz
July 23, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Emo = self-harm
NO.
Emo= a genre of music. The term is derived from “emontional hardcore.”
Yes, quite interesting. Especially that people believe it.
July 23, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Two years ago I went through a minor phase of liking MCR and my CPN was trying to always tell me I was depressed because I listened to there music… **yawn** I have not listened to them in about 18 months now yet here I am still the same!
July 23, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Interesting post H. Emo’s a re-working of the Goth scene with a modern twist – and I think the media frenzy for pointing out all the bad stuff connected with Emos was the same for Goths a few years ago. Sure there are some who will go for the whole ‘glamour of SH’, like the whole heroin chic thing, but it’s been over hyped. I agree about the privacy thing though (telling anyone about that is much harder than discussing suicidal thoughts), you’ve got to be a bit screwed up somehow to flaunt something like that – although as Exactscience points out, it’s a problem as real as anyone else who self harms. Using it as a way to fit in shows some fairly major problems.
Yay, RnR exit – can’t wait for full details tomorrow!
July 23, 2008 at 5:08 pm
It was all Goth in my day.
July 23, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’ve always found it suspicious that the whole Emo thing seemed to just appear fully formed about 3 years ago. Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention. I thought perhaps those little tikes had listened to too much of that there ‘nu-rock’, and lost the will to live.
Being miserable is a trend that comes around every so often in one form or another. I think cutting becoming trendy is just a sign that teenagers have too much time and money. Decadence akin to Rome at it’s fall I say!
The media doesn’t help by making Emo such a big thing. It wouldn’t have been such a big thing otherwise. Our culture has become some kind of media feedback device. It’s awful. Revolution is the only answer.
July 23, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Emma- is bio oil and the like good. I always look at it while waiting for my prescriptions to be filled but never actually buy it, i suppose i am very sceptical. Depression, is not cool its boring, its existance, day to day life, a walking corpse…. Imagine if we became emo, we would be super cool emos. Followers in awe of our scars. Right better end those disturbing thoughts, lets think searcing through charity shops for the perfect find; ahhh and all is good with the world again.
Exactscience- someone actually went up to you and said that? Cutting yourself to fit in is a real issue. Imagine forcing yourself to cut just to fit in with certain people.
Megan- I remember not knowing anything about self harm and then knowing so much. It was everywhere, newspapers, magazines, television. Somehow it became maybe a tiny bit more socially acceptable for people with metal health problems. Well not acceptable to talk to anyone about it but within the CAMHS teams and similar services.
Seratonin- what on earth is cherry emo, I just tryed googling it but to no avail. Hmmmm. Emo, not sad. I thought the whole thing was about feeling all emotions strongly, surely sad is an emotion. Even a wannabe could fake that?
Abz- just before I started this blog I had just finished with a psycotherapist who I had been seeing for three years. She was the first to mention the whole bipolar thing so I didnt mind to much when I stopped seeing her. At the moment I am feeling rather talked out, so while I wont be finishing with mental health teams the move from CAMHS to adults will be refreshing at the least.
Mariah- I hope it didnt come across that I thought the only thing about being emo is self harm because you can definalty be an “emo” and not self harm or the other way around. How I think of it is as a way of life; music, fashion, lifestyle.
Alison- MCR equals emo, I didnt think people still thought that way. I must admit that I too bought their last album and didnt find it too bad, but quickly got bored of it.
Chuckle- ahh the RnR, no social worker today she was ill. So I will have to hold the suspence until my session on friday. I can picture it all so clearly in my head. I cannot wait. I just cannot understand twhy people would want to flaunt it unless they were craving attention and in that case need just as much help as anyone else who self harms.
Chouette- I can remember goths but I was a little too young to know many people who were goths. I knew a few but they were more wannabe than the real thing.
Darkentries- it was odd how they all suddenly burst on to the scene, it was probably the media in the same way that the dredded Nu- Rave scene same so quickly. I suppose if other culture groups recieved the same negative press they would become a big thing in the same way that emo has. Revolution- yes, but to turn into what?
July 23, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I have a soft spot for Goths, since I used to listen to Gothic music a lot (still do listen to it, but my musical diet is more varied now).
I was drawn to it because I found it therapeutic though, rather than any innate desire to waste money on white makeup and black/purple hair dye. It definitely helped normalise a lot of what I was going through, and was a way of cocking a snook at how I felt.
Sometimes I do wonder if listening to it more would still be therapeutic, or if it would just feed a low mood.
Hmmm…
July 24, 2008 at 4:28 am
Do you really believe “Emo’s” really do this though? I mean, really? I’m not so sure myself.
As a self injurer myself, I guess I just find it really hard to believe there are people out there who are “exchanging competitive messages on their teenage websites about the scars on their wrists and how best to display them.”… Even the whole “going around pretending to be all sad & suicidal”… I just don’t see it.. or I just don’t get it. I believe it really is all just hype & sensationalism from the media (& my god, it IS the Daily Mail!), very much the same as they are about “Goths” – or you know what, scrub that – very much the same as the media is about everything.
July 24, 2008 at 5:37 am
I despite the Daily Mail. It is full of irresponsible journalism. I agree with darkentries – the media need to create these agendas or inject them with their own needs to create stories.. grr.
July 24, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I’m tempted to mock the emo kids, but when I was a teenager in the mid-90s, this was around when the Manic Street Preachers were in their Holy Bible phase (i.e. before they turned into a bunch of fat blokes in polo shirts) and the Manics fanbase (which I was heavily a part of) behaved in just the same way as the emos.
A few years before that, it would have been the Smiths fans, and before that, it was punk. These things are a regular cycle that comes around in different manifestations.
July 25, 2008 at 5:39 am
[...] It On The Emo-Goth (Take Two) 25 07 2008 When I said I would do a follow up to my post from Wednesday I didn’t imagine it would be so soon but somehow I couldn’t stop thinking about it. [...]
July 25, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Chouette- Sometimes I listen to music that is pretty similar to that which tose groups listen to. Something about it complementing the frame of mind that I have been in. Actually I am mistaken, when things get crap I dont listen to music, but when I am on my way to feeling crap I listen to that kind of music.
Audacious- I did pick the bits which stood out the most, so I suppose they are likely to be the most sensationalist. I suppose the media has to pick storys that will sell so if they can blame emo on teen suicide to sell papers then they will do it.
Cb- the daily mail is crap, I like to stick to a diet of broadsheets. Ocasionaly read the like of the mail but only if there is a copy hanging around, would never give them money. The whole thing about the “nazi” orgy shows how the papers can fabricate parts of news articles to make a good headline.
Zarathustra- the manics are good, but I saw them play last year and they were lacking at best, crap at worst. Just old men, was rather sad really. I think it is very easy for us to mock groups like emos because they stand out so much.
The main points raised from this post have been carried over to my new post called “Blame it on the emo-goth”
August 11, 2008 at 8:48 pm
What you quote at the end there is a song (I hope you realised!). A mickey-take… I love the song – it’s called ‘Emo Kid’, and it’s by Adam & Andrew. You must listen to it promptly, Hannah!
Suzy x
August 30, 2008 at 12:36 am
just dropped by your blog, saw in on Abz’ links.
totaly agree with you.
when I started SH, I didn’t know of anyone who did it, but now everyone does and they’re not afraid to show their scars. i think i will always be ashamed of mine.
take care.
September 5, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Interesting post and discussion. I am a social worker in the U.S. and now a professor. I do not find the glorification of self-harm at all surprising. Look at the tattoo and piercing culture which extends to scarification and other extreme modes of “body modification” or as some would see it mutilation. I think that such activities, probably because of endorphins but who really knows, are addictive. What used to be considered abnormal behavior of sailors and soldiers on a drunken spree or something only seen in the pages of National Georgraphic is now common and socially acceptable. I mean, when grandma gets a piercing and a tattoo something is up.
The feeling of release and freedom of such behaviors is strong and intimately linked to physiological mechanisms which are poorly understood.
January 3, 2009 at 7:37 am
sorry about the fake name but i dont want ppl knowing who i am.
i have very high level classes that cause severe stress levels. i cut when very stressed. its like letting out the stress in some way. i dont even look scene at all, i actually look rather prep. “emo” is a term i absolutly hate. its incorrect and derived from a genera of music. im not depressed. this keeps me looking decently happy. only a few of my closest friends know about my problem. i didnt go showing off my cuts, i was very secretive about it. i simply accadently pushed up my sleeve without thinking.
its not all about looks and music.
its an inner battle and terrible habit.
January 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Suzy- I did know that, its just the lyrics make me laugh everytime and, and sometimes I need something to cheer me up on this blog.
Musikaddikt- I think everyone responds to self harm in different ways. If I had a friend who talked about self harming all the time then I think it woud become more socially acceptable to me.
Mike- You made some very innteresting points in your coomment, especially about the spread of piercings and tatoos. But dont you think that the spread of tatoos is from fashion styles and not glorification of harm
Bob- I wrote this piece a very long time ago but what I was trying to understand was the media hype surrounding so called “emos” and their close link with self harm. In no way do I think self harmers are “emos”, for example I self harm and would not place myself in that steriotype group. If I had to place myself into anygroup, I would describe myself as indie, but that is beside the point.