Following advice from people in my last post just to write for myself, this is what I am going to do from now on. Goodbye to stress about my work being unreadable and misspelled. One thing that really interests me is other people who use CAMHS. I rarely see anyone else because its meant to be confidential so as soon as you arrive you get shoved in a little room by yourself but occasionally you do get to see people. When I first went to CAMHS I thought I was a freak because I never saw anyone as old as me or female but this is starting to change.
The first people I ever saw was a boy and his (what I guessed at) mother, he must have been about eleven and terribly overweight. That was not what interested me though, I really wanted to know why he was going to CAMHS and spent my whole bus journey home guessing at what was wrong with him. Was it mood, behaviour, emotional? Now whenever I see someone I always want to know whats wrong with them. The whole idea of confidentiality makes me want to find out more; it’s a secret, something unknown and only for the ears of the chosen few. I understand why CAMHS is confidential, if people knew I went then I would probably stop going, its just confidentiality makes me more interested. I suppose I do this because I have this desire to find that I am not alone and that there are other people like me going through like experiences. CAMHS didn’t really help me with this because I saw so few other people and those that you did see you did not talk to. The most my social worker could ever tell me was that other people from my school had been to CAMHS in the past. I just wanted to find someone who I could talk to and who would know what I was on about but you cant really ask just anyone, you know turn around in class and say “I am a closet freak show and go to CAMHS anyone want to join me?”
In hospital however, there can be no real confidentiality about other patients, I mean you practically live with them, the first question you get asked is if you are informal or sectioned and the second is why you are in. You cant really dodge away from such a direct question, so it was the one place where I could meet people from my area and talk to them, the problem was that I was the only adolescent on the ward as it was an adult one and I understood little about CMHT. I suppose this is one thing that my blog has really helped me with, I know there are people out there who have been to CAMHS or are still there and have been thinking similar things to me.
Last line…
Thisis the best thing I have seen all day. Its a jelly version of St Paul’s, puts my jelly rabbits, mice and cats to shame.
Wow, that is impressive!
Nice post, very well written. Amazing how you can come through for yourself when you take the pressure off, isn’t it?
Ah I know the feeling about wanting to know about everyone in CAMHS/CMHT. In Adult they seem to give me appointments when no pone else is there. I’m sat in the waiting room on my own with the just the receptionist to stare at. When I was in CAMHS I always felt like the oldest there because all I ever saw was children playing with the building blocks or drawing on the walls next to the chalk board and paper. It was more like a creche than a mental health facility. The only time I do see people is at the hospital but I’m now one of the youngest of CMHT and definitely the youngest my psych has dealt with as she likes to tell me. It not like I can talk to some guy in him 60’s. Besides the toilet stinks there like the old peoples home I used to work at. It’s not pleasant. You just want to get out of the place! xx
At my CMHT it’s all very public (because it’s essentially a shed) and everybody in the waiting room knows everybody’s name and who they are there to see etc. It’s led to confrontations on several occasions, not surprisngly, but there’s not a lot that can be done about it – there’s no space. I tend to wait outside in the car park, unless it’s pouring with rain, and play on my DS etc. I wish there was some way they could increase the confidentiality because I find it very difficult.
My experience of CAMHS is as above; a creche really. Children were taken through to meet the ’specialists’ under the guise of playing games. I had a planning meeting once in a room full of baby toys with a Noddy freeze on the wall; it was all a bit surreal. I felt very out of place, always the oldest in the waiting room, in my school uniform. A separate waiting room for teenagers would have been good.
Your analysis of how it works in hospital drew a smile because it is EXACTLY like that! How many times have I answered those two questions in the last 2 1/2 weeks?! Confidentiality as an inpatient is zero.
I had made the same experience while I was still under the care of the child psych, nearly everybody was much younger than me and my psychiatrist had lots of toys in his room. It seemed like all the small children would go there because of ADHS. Sometimes it’s very obvious what the problem with the other clients is but at some times I was really wondering what that specific person was doing there.
And I can agree with your statement about hospitals as well, it’s just like that. Luckily I was nobody had an idea what bipolar disorder was back when I was in hospital
Erin- thank you, this post was surprisingly easy to write. Took me a while to find something I really wanted to write about but once found the topic I wrote this in about ten minutes. Ps. I am making jelly today and taking photos for a jelly post for you.
Em- ewwww old people toilet smell, that doesnt sound fun. In all the rooms at the health center have dolls houses which I had great fun playing with before sessions last time I was hypomanic. Ohhh and the building blocks.
Thereandback- that doesnt sound great not having anywhere private to sit before sessions at CMHT. A seperate waiting room and session room would be great for teenagers. I am sick of having to sweep toy cars of seats when I sit down before sessions.
Sophie- I often think that most of the people I see have ADHD because they seem so ummm…well. Its so easy to tell some things, like eating dissorders and the like but other things are just so difficult. I wonder what people would guess about me.
You know what would be funny? I know we live in different places, but we’re both CAMHS-y types – so what would happen if we ended up in the same waiting room at the same time? Hm… so I’d recognise you, but would you recognise me?
Well, I twitch a lot. And I stare at the ceiling. And shred magazines. And fiddle with the rug and the chair and the window latches and the kiddy toys on the floor. Is that enough to go on?
You’d probably have me down as ADHD in seconds.
Now that, dude, that would be funny.
to go onSuzy x
I’m not sure why there is a ‘to go on’ before my name. Ignore it, kindly.
Suzy x
A “to go on” what, where, why? You’ve confused me Suzy, is this just me being a technophobe of something. The both of us in a waiting room, now that would be funny. I can just picture a girl staring at me and me not knowing why and then deciding that she had ADHD. Fiddle with the rug, does that mean you get down on the floor? Ohhhh your blogs had a funny turn again, the page loads for a second and then says it cannot be displayed. Its ok if you go to a specific post but your home address aint working, but then that could be me agian. I wonder. Hannah X
Oh and I have just seen the to go on bit- all is good with the world again
Do I get down on the floor? That sounds somewhat improper…
Yes. I have been known to. And I spent quarter of an hour rearranging the rug tassels so they lay straight, one time, because I got there early. Also, once there was a really fat woman there waiting for her kid to come out and she wouldn’t stop staring at me… what? So she’s never seen a teenager playing with the plastic cars they supply on the mat with those road markings? Well, what are they for, then? Decoration?
Suzy x
I find this interesting, because I know quite a lot of people who also go to my local CAMHS. I attribute this to my highly scientific ‘crazy people force field’: slightly crazy people attract other slightly crazy people who attract yet more, and by this point I’ve attracted so many that we’ve collectively created some sort of magnetic force field that just keeps on drawing them in.
My CAMHS have two outpatient clinics: a hospital based clinic, and a community clinic that’s based in a converted house. The funny and fairly puzzling thing is that the two clinics are literally 5 minutes walk away from each other, leading me to wonder what the point is exactly, by that’s not the point. I usually go to the community-based one, but for the last 5 weeks I’ve been having CBT sessions at the hospital… and in 5 visits I have only seen 1 other patient. It’s quite eerie…
Suzy- yep I would definatly put you down for ADHD and possibly some impulse control thing. If I ever see people I like to act a bit odd so they think I am really strange and freak them out a bit. Toys in waiting rooms are there to be played with. Sometimes I do little pictures on the wipeboards for the next person who has a session in the room after me.
Megan- That does seem odd having two centers so close together. In my county there are four centers and a satelight clinic. There is also an outreach team that I am under too that help people who have come out or about to go into hospital or who are too ill to go to the clinics as we get visits at home. I would love to have a magnetic force to attract other CAMHS unit just so I could bitch about CAMHS with them.
Hehe – today I was sitting on the arm of the sofa with one foot on the sofa itself talking 100mph, when a girl came in with blue hair and headphones, who then proceeded to leap out her chair and move to the other side of the room when her dad sat next to her. Good times…
Suzy x
Suzy- whats your diagnosis for her? That sounds pretty funny to watch, my parents have never been to CAMHS I threatened no to go if they came in my manipulative ways but I can imagine something like that happening with me and my mother. Unfortunatly today I had a home visit so couldnt spy on people but there was a student with my CPN who scraped dirt out of her fingernails all session. I am going to the health center on friday so I shall look out for strange people. Hannah X