As you know from my previous post my mood has taken a nosedive I have spent a long time lying in bed staring at the celing listening to this song on repeat. So nursing a hangover from hell and facing my CPN in a few hours I thought I would talk about some non-mood related but mental health stuff. My favourite topic, and one Suzy likes to write about too; the joy that is CAMHS. I did write this in a sensationalist manner but as I am not anonymous I have calmed it down a little. OK, I don’t hate CAMHS, I get annoyed when things are done badly; take the CBT offered that I never received, or that message that was never returned, or the email never sent. I may apear childish doing this but its always when you want to be left alone tht you have to see them more, and I just want to be discharged, have my medical notes wiped and to disappear.
So lets start right at the beginning, the local health center where CAMHS is based is in the most horrible town you can ever imagine and the only way to get there is on a bus that smells of piss. If you miss the bus (which I do all the time) you either have to wait half an hour and miss you appointment or fork out £15 on a taxi to get to the crummy place. The building that is the health center is one of those beautiful concrete buildings, and to welcome you they have filled the entrance with pottys. “Every child matters” (I am tempted to graffiti it when I am discharged) says the sign on the door to the reception, yeah that’s how I feel. They really care about me, that’s why they only ever do anything if you are in hospital or have been to A&E more times in a week than you can count on your fingers. The secretary gives me evils whenever I turn up, and however early or late you are for a session you are made to wait ten minutes in an interview room (that are either too hot or too cold). They used to only give me appointments during important school lessons so school teachers would shout at me for missing so many lessons, or I would get angry phone calls from CAMHS asking why I had cancelled appointments. My social worker cannot be taken seriously because she is so orange (and yes I do know I am quoting the worst apprentice candidate ever), she wears large hoop earrings and (only guessing) listens to the Sugar-babes and Natasha Bedingfield. Sometimes her dress sense is appalling, I mean who wears stripy black and brown trousers with blue and silver stripy top, however last week she looked quite good. She always takes her shoes off in sessions and sits crossed legged in her chair, yet if I do the same she gives me an odd look and writes it down on her clipboard. She always sets me the same questionnaire for homework and pretends that she didn’t know that I had already done it. After every question she asks, she then interrupts my thought process by asking me if I understand. For example last week she said “how are you feeling. (I pause to consider my answer) and immediately she says)..do you understand?” I mean I am seventeen not seven.
My CPN rants on and on about being ethical and only buying petrol from supermarkets as the other companies spend their profits badly yet she wears primark clothes. When my CPN visits me at home every week she always looks in my bedroom and tells me to tidy it up, she calls me sleeping beauty all the time when she knows I am an insomniac. She told me off for not challenging my thoughts when I couldn’t say anything nice about my front garden even though it is just bare soil at the moment because my mum has dug it up, what does she want me to say? “I love the pile of soil because it means that the worms can have a nice home and the shade of brown is beautiful”. My psychiatrist, errrrr, well, OK he is OK. Wait I will give him better than that he is the best CAMHS member of staff I have ever met, but I am only saying that because I saw him in the supermarket today and he said hello and acknowledged my presence unlike other members of the team. However, every time I see him the session starts with him telling me that I have bipolar, well I understand that he thinks I have bipolar and even if I do he does not need to tell me every session. The outreach team staff grade doctor is evil, and believes I am evil to because I don’t believe in God. He always talks about reincarnation told me I would come back a stone (well that’s just great, it fills me with glee). And the benefits of CAMHS? They provide a service and its free, they are age specific so I can see someone who is specialised in children and adolescents, they are usually quite friendly unless it is first thing in the morning. We often have sessions in the play therapists room because there is not enough space so I can tidy up the dolls house while waiting and when I told them that I did not like being in the room with a mirror window and CCTV they have never made me go in it again nd there is free parking. The problem is that CAMHS has to be all things to all people.
last line…
Last week I moaned and moaned about having to go to wales, and you know it was actually OK (ish), so OK that I am going back this weekend. I went walking up table mountain plugged into arcade fire on my ipod and in the distance through tick cloud I could see a group of DofE’ers, it was such a wonderful view I wish I had a camera to show you it.
9 Comments
July 1, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Well, at least you have CAHMS…
July 1, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Hey, what’s wrong with the Sugababes????? OK don’t hate me now lol. At least you have some support, OK may seem a bit shitty but sometimes something is better than nothing. I wouldn’t trust anyone that looked like she’d been tangoed either.
If you’re coming back as a stone I’m coming back as a smelly turd, at least then I could at least get some revenge on people
You said you get more intervention when you are quiet and want to be left alone, the reason for this is that when people go quiet there is generally reason to be concerned and this is why they intervene more. If you want to be left alone it probably is a sign of your depression but maybe not, could be just to do with the fact that they are eejits and you’d rather have some peace and quiet.
Much love Kx
July 1, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Woop woop, CAMHS hate! Yay!
I shouldn’t encourage you.
I’m sorry…
Suzy x
July 1, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Mysadalterego- yes we have CAMHS but its the only place you can go, there is only one child psychiatrist in my area in the NHS, few peole have health insurance because we have the NHS so you have to go to CAMHS or have nothing, this means there is little incentive for CAMHS to improve unless there is a new government target or a corroners cort says that they provded a bad service and did not act in the cghilds best interest.
Fadingstar- i only say the sugarbabes because my sister lisens to them all the time and i now hear it in my sleep, not good. Your right about when your at your worst you want the least help but sometimes you can justsee too much of the, theres only so myuch thought challenging you can do or discussion about sleep hygeine you can have.
Suzy- how can you resist CAMHS hate, its what we are meant to do, your sent there to get better, whatever that is and are never told what you have to do to get discharged from the crazy people
July 1, 2008 at 7:44 pm
It sounds like the place where I meet my CPN, a really run down old smelly health centre! As for the person you see that would really annoy me somewhat!
I have an old school friend who is a mental health nurse but she works in a hospital, the way she dresses at times scares the hell out of me (think old goth look) but she’s such a sweetie underneath all that black!
July 1, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Y’see my CAMHS building was this lovely circular building surrounded by trees, though the parking was crap! My CMHT place is a lovely big old Victorian house. The hospital I go to is a bit smelly though, primarily because it’s specialist subject is old age psychiatry and psychotic adolescents but its nice and purple inside, just avoid the loo.
Chin up xx
July 1, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Your place reminds me of mine, its also an ugly building but in council offices so i have to walk past angry people looking for council housing and then up seven flights of steps. But orange, how can you trust that person. And was it Katie Hopkins who said that?
July 1, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Alison- the adult goth look does sound scary but it is often people who dress oddly that are the sweetest and kindest, i suppose becasue it goes against any steriotype you may have had that it seems such a surprise
Eccedentesiast- that sounds like a really nice building, actully while the arcutecture is dissapointing there is a nice garden with a massive bird cage in it tha is nice to sit in if you arrive early
CAMHS=hate- i think it was her, well the nme rings a bell all I can remember is that it was the round with kristina in
July 16, 2008 at 1:01 am
[...] after a year of hating her guts I realised that I rather like her. So she dresses odd and listens to crap music, but her sessions were useful. I can remember describing her as a chav gone wrong, as an oversized [...]